La Cougarette

Grattitude

2012-02-03T17:00:00.005-07:00

The other day when I went to the Temple with my friends, I went to ponder about certain aspects of my life. There is usually a theme for the personal revelation that I receive when I'm there and this time, it was all centered on gratitude.

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues,
but the parent of all the others."
- Marcus Tullius Cicero

My life story, or 'novela' - isn't one of the first things I share with people. I feel confident enough to say that I'm a good listener so it's more than likely that they'll spill the beans first. I guess that's because it's so easy for me to love people. I look back at all the opportunities that my Heavenly Father has given me, and they're countless. He's saved me (in every sense of the word) numberless times. It is such a blessing (Yes, there's the RM vocab for ya) to know of His Son's Gospel and to understand the plan that He has for me. What in the world would I have done without that knowledge?

Before I met the missionaries, my mentality was temporal. Things that would take place in the future were of no importance to me. I mean, really. I knew that I had always wanted to break the chain of tragic events in my family, but I really didn't know how to go about making that a reality. Learning and converting to His Gospel changed all of that.

My grandmother on my mother's side unexpectedly took away her life because of the deep sorrow she felt as a result of life's hardships. My great-grandmother Teo-fila passed away after being diagnosed with brain cancer. Even the woman that has influenced me the most in my life - my mother - has had her own set of trials. Each and every woman in my family has had a novela of their own.

As I sat down and contemplated all of these things in the Temple, I reached for a Book of Mormon and flipped through its pages. My eyes scanned the pages and they all had something in common - they each testified of Christ.

My perspective of what life once was:

a bad hand of cards that life would deal you

vs.

life being what you make of it as you rely upon the Savior's Atonement

The glass is definitely halfway full. The other half that looks empty, well - the Savior makes up for it. I'm going to be flat out honest, my best on an average day is 60%, but with His help... it's overflowing! jaja. :) I'm thankful for all that He's given me and will give me as time passes, even the hard times. That includes my New Testament exam that I feel burned me at the stake! Ay caramba... But really. It's either we label ourselves as a victim of society or an agent of change. I choose the latter. It's not the easiest route, but it's definitely the most worthwhile.

I'm grateful for the Book of Mormon and how it's allowed me to gain a closer relationship to my Savior. It's such a privilege to be a part of His Church. Something that keeps me going is the fact that I want to be a strong example for my children and my younger brother. Everything else is just fluff. Like my pana Bob said, I don't expect perfection - but at least ya got to strive for it.

I'm Glad I Don't Expect Perfection.

2012-01-25T19:05:00.005-07:00

Bob Marley

always had something intelligent to say,

but this takes the cake.

I found this at a fabulous blog and she found it here.

Women of God

2012-01-20T22:14:00.006-07:00

The conversion story and testimony of an inspiring young woman I met before the mission...

Presenting: Al Fox

"No woman is a more vibrant instrument in the hands of the Lord

than a woman of God who is thrilled to be who she is."

-Sheri L. Dew

It's been a while...

2011-10-05T17:00:00.000-06:00

"I have glorified thee on the Earth:

I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do."

- John 17:4

As Much As I Love

2010-01-19T02:14:00.010-07:00

jamming to Ekolu, Jack Johnson, & Tommy Torres
wearing basketball shorts whenever I want
watching CNN and Anderson Cooper
living in Happy Valley
having amazing roommates
going back home every now and then

I want to make sure that in 20 years when I look back at my life, there will be no regrets. That is why I've decided to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

I'll be serving the Lord and His people for 18 months.

... and yes, this is my cheesy missionary picture that I submitted with my papers.

...and yes, I look Asian in this picture instead of Puerto Rican.

... and no, I have no idea where or when I'll be sent.

Q: "Where do you want to go?"

I've thought about it and prayed about it so much and I've left it in Heavenly Father's hands.

Answer: I will go where I am needed, that's where I want to go. Final answer.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has completed my life and answered all of my questions. No joke. I understand why things function the way they do, I understand without a doubt that Heavenly Father loves me for who I am and knows me in and out. He loves me so much that He blesses me in countless ways day by day. There is no doubt in my mind that it's true. No doubt, whatsoever.

My friends are amazing. I love each and every one of them. My family, without question, is the force that keeps me striving to become better. Leaving the people I love is the hardest part but, I know it's the right choice. Today, I heard a quote that really stood out to me,

"It's never wrong to do the right thing,

and it's never right to do the wrong thing."

I'll be exchanging the amazing feeling of being home for a feeling of being a stranger in a new land. I'll no longer be in 'Happy Valley' where the majority are LDS. As much as I love heels, I won't be wearing anything like that for 18 months. These are the senior citizen monsters that I'll be trekking in. I no longer wonder why they remind me of toursits that walk through the Polynesian Cultural Center.

18 months is chump change, potato chips, 'nada' amidst God's eternal time frame... and in contrast, the blessings that come our way if we walk that strait and narrow path are eternal. Seriously, what an awesome and loving God to give us so much when we are capable of so little in comparison with His greatness and love for us. I'll try my best to be a changing agent to help others recieve that happiness that I first felt when the missionaries knocked on my door back in 2003; everyone deserves to feel complete.

I'm Grateful For

2009-12-03T23:38:00.013-07:00

Family

Things I will never forget about these couple of days:

... besides being covered in a gazillion layers of blankets:

Nichole and her long curly hair

The 3 musketeers (my cousins: Alex, Nathan, & Darrell)

and the love they have for their parents.

Alex taking naps on top of Sandy.

I swear my family makes me the happiest person when I'm around them. During the few days we were at the cabin we made smores, hiked the snow, played Guitar Hero, watched Rocky movies, baked Thanksgiving dinner, and talked a whole lot about family history. I loved it.

My Faith

LDS President Joseph Smith and the Salt Lake City Temple

My faith defines everything that I hope for and everything that I am striving to be. For a a project we visited the Salt Lake City Legislature downtown. The best part was that it was just when the leaves were falling to the ground. It's be a while since I last visited Temple Square and so I took advantage and captured away... like always. We also took a tour of the LDS Conference Center. The older missionary couples who give people tours are so adorable. I want to be old and cute like them one day. Eh, but first I'll travel the world and then... haha.

Friends

My friends are my anchors. Without their willingness to deal my cray-cray to Jane Austen moments, I think I'd have to live in a looney. I love each and every one of them, they each bring out the best of what the world has to offer. I scored the Lottery with them... that's fo' sho'.

A Way With Words...

2009-11-23T16:51:00.006-07:00

Pictures from this lovely site and this one as well.

Lovely Lines

2009-11-23T00:07:00.009-07:00

"I have to thank the wrongs that led me to a love so strong."

Perfectly Lonely - John Mayer

"Did you know when the wind blows,

we can fall or we can grow?
It's a test of strength."

Distant Traveler - Kimie

"Cos all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you'll see them some day."

Stop Crying Your Heart Out - Oasis

"La vida inclemente
Te separa de mi
Y un siglo de auscencia
Estoy sufriendo por ti."

Un Siglo de Ausencia - Trio Los Panchos

"¿Qué hacen los días sin el sol?"

De Rodillas - Tommy Torres

"I will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry

and shining full of the knowledge
i am priceless."

To All the Men I've Loved Before (Part 2) - Mayda del Valle

"Porque te quiero tanto
Cómo el mar a su verano,
Cómo el dolor a su amigo el engaño
Cómo el sol cuando vio que hoy nació una flor."

Palabras Para Paula - La Oreja de VanGogh

"Porque el amor cuando fué del bueno
deja un dulce recuerdo
Más yo de tí lo único que tengo
es este triste lamento."

Lamento - Tommy Torres

"Y con sus mismas ramas se hacen caricias
Como si fueran novios que se quisieran."

Dos Arbolitos - Linda Ronstadt

"Have I found you?
Flightless bird

Or lost you?"

Iron & Wine - Flightless Bird, American Mouth

picture from here

Magnifying.

2009-10-19T22:24:00.004-06:00

I realized that there are some qualities that I'd like to magnify more, in order to become the young lady I've always dreamed of becoming. Tonight, as I was blog surfing... I came across one of my favorite blogs. Every time I visit and read through her entries, I'm always uplifted and humbled because of her example. There are so many different things that she represents. I feel that each and every one of us has these qualities already within us. It's just a matter of strengthening them. I came to the following conclusions after reading her entries:

1. Following dreams - Imagine: Me without dreams. That's like me without any of my senses. Imagine: You without dreams. We wouldn't know where to put ourselves on the bookshelf of life. I do have dreams and my imagination runs wild when I start to think about them. But am I really doing my best to achieve them?

2. Being happy - Things happen. If anyone knows that, it'd probably most likely... be me. But now by taking a few steps back, don't things happen to 99.999999% of the world? Worse things? My happiness depends on me. I need to forget outer forces that don't always line up with what I had in mind. It also depends on me because my relationship with Heavenly Father is something I build. My testimony is something I strengthen. Happiness is a decision. I decide to be happy.

3. Service - The other day I went to this Adopt-A-Grandparent activity. One word sums it up: love. The feeling that you get after serving completes anything you were lacking before. Any hope that was lost when you thought good people no longer existed is restored in one exchanged glance with the person in need.

4. Capturing moments - This part that I want to better has nothing to do with taking more pictures. Those who know me, know that all I do is that. I need to be more of a recorder when I experience meeting new people or hearing people's stories. If nothing of what I feel or go through is written down, it's value is lost. I want to look back one day when I'm old, wrinkly, with snow white hair and remember detail by detail how I lived my life. Regrets and all.

5. Imagination - If you leave me alone for even a few seconds, I can travel off my so many thoughts that link to all time frames (past, present, future), moments (impossible,daring,& realistic). I want to continue not being ordinary. Why say what everyone wants to hear? Why follow what everyone else follows, blindedly? I don't and hope that I never fill that stereotype. I want to voice the words that are hooked on my heart. I will believe in and follow because of my unmoveable faith. My originality, your originality - it's what makes each of us unique.

Cotações

2009-09-27T16:40:00.014-06:00

Paulo Coelho has always been one of my preferred authors. Many times I have things that go through my mind and when I try to transfer them to a piece of paper, the meaning is lost in translation. It's sad, but thankfully there are talented people out there like him who have the talent of what I call, "thought translation." These are some of my favorites:

"Ninguem perde cuando arrisca.

Mas pode perder se espera o momento certo."

If it were for lack of faith 24/7 - it's probable that I wouldn't expect to wake up in the morning. I wouldn't be striving to get an education. I don't think the average person would be doing anything at all. Hope, faith, even risking the chance that it just might not turn out... it's the same thing. Just as Coelho says, "No one loses when they risk," but you will lose if you wait for the right moment. The right moment is when your brain says it's okay. When your heart says you should _______ (fill in the blank) is the risky part. Why aren't we risk-takers? One word: Fear. If we wait for the 'right moment,' there is more likely loss than gain.

Fear of: losing something, being seen a certain way, people's opinion of us.

"As pessoas se dividem entre

'vítimas do sistema' e 'agentes transformadores'.

Você decide."

I've seen what life is like not being a member of the LDS Church and what it is like. The Gospel has truly helped guide me to where I am today. I guess just pushing me further into the plan that Heavenly Father has prepared for me. Even before I read this quote, I had this same idea of 2 different sets of people on this planet:

a.) those who label themselves through words/actions as victims of the system
b.) those who take the system and their experiences - transforming them into proactive people

Maybe it can't be applied to everyone's situation, but at least to the grand majority. No matter what, life is all about choices and the choices we make are the turns/directions that lead us where we want to be. In the end, it is our choice that matters. We decide.

"Seja gentil com os grosseiros.

Eles são os que mais precisam de carinho."

When people are mean, it makes life a whole lot harder. When Coelho wrote this, I tried to imagine myself being one of those people. Bitter, mean, or just plain ol' grouchy. I don't think they're born like that. Something must be up for them to feel the need to waste more energy on being angry or brainstorming how to make other people miserable. Joking! Okay, so being nicer to people like this is something they're in need of... and of course they won't ever admit to. So, I guess instead of brushing them off I should give them some medicine of the opposite, a ying to their yang: being nice, gentile, sweet. I suspect that this should make both of our lives easier. Furreal.

Other quotes I find meaningful:

"Walking gets too boring, when you learn how to fly."

"People fear what they don't know."

I think it's amazing how significant quotes can be. Many times they tend to be such a short combination of words with such a significant meaning behind them. I guess being a journalist doesn't help. To arrive to one idea expressed in one quote it might take me a couple paragraphs... yes, I live off of words if you haven't noticed by now.

The Ugly Truth

2009-09-21T01:04:00.003-06:00

"You think you know what men are gonna do, you think you know what men want to do... but when it comes right down to that moment where they actually need to step up and I don't know -make a move-, they chicken out. The big, strong, brave men that we've all been reading about in novels and watching in movies since we were 9 years old, that's a fantasy - they don't exist. Men are not strong, men are not brave, men are afraid. Men are incapable of copping to it. Because why? Men are weak... and THAT is the Ugly Truth."

Ausencia de Una Respuesta

2009-09-06T18:24:00.004-06:00

¿Será por hábito

o en las profundidades de tu ser

aunque no lo sepas admitir, quieres?

Dime mañana, dime quizás, pero no digas jamás.

We Like, We Don't Like

2009-08-28T01:06:00.007-06:00

I usually try to only think about the good things. Seldomly do I try to point out things I don't like about life. We each have our own stances on different subjects, details, types of people, things being done certain ways. But by learning what we don't like and identifying what we do, we can appreciate life even more and realize what makes us happy.

But, maybe it'd be fun to do a brief listing of both sides for once.

I like...

Challenges.

Warm rain. [Back home, you can basically stand in it for hours]

Sound of cutting grass. [Somehow, it's relaxing to me]

Gummy worms.

People who smile a lot [the genuine kind]

The beach.

Basketball shorts.

Polynesian dancing.

Latin dancing.

Funny stories.

Getting to know people's stories when doing a story.

Sleeping/naps.

Sunny days.

Making people laugh.

Traditional guys.

Cereal, with cold - cold - COLD milk.

Serving others.

Laughing until my insides hurt.

Polynesian humor.

Going to the Temple.

Poetry.

Wind.

Red Hot Chili Peppers [the group]

Watching the news.

Calle 13.

Learning different cultures.

Guys who like intelligent & goal-driven women.

Giraffes, camels. [I really would love to have either of them, real - duh]

Volleyball.

Learning about the Gospel.

Instrumental music.

Being dry. [i.e. Camping when it rains all weekend = an awful experience]

Optimistic, hopeful, happy people.

Documentaries.

People who can recognize blessings in their lives.

Family adventures.

Red meat.

Mariachis.

Little kids.

Having genuine friends.

Earrings, bracelets.

Guys who can have intelligent conversations.

Creativity.

Honesty.

Peanut butter.

Starry nights.

Family.

Clouds.

Taking pictures.

Art exhibitions. [I LOVE mingling with Art History]

Non-wrinkled clothing.

Mexican food/ Rice & Beans [I could survive on this forever]

When a guy smells good.

Inspirational teachers. [Especially Spanish/Journalism ones]

Alfredo sauce.

Violins.

Guys who dance, or at least try to.

Feeling accomplished.

Going to the gym.

Spanish soap operas.

Traveling.

Lying down in the grass.

Heavenly Father's creations.

Pineapple.

Mountains.

Realists, but not entirely.

Camping.

Constructive criticism.

Advice.

Chocolate milk.

I don't like...

Pessimists.

Being rushed. [I prefer deadlines, & yes, I know when it's due]

Whipped cream.

Sarcasm. [Only to a certain point]

Show-offs.

People who fold books and indent the spine.

Lies, liars, fibbers. Anything that completely refutes the truth.

T9 Texting.

Asparagus.

The, "Utah poof."

Fruity Pebbles cereal.

Spoon slurps. [Ughhhh]

Guys that lack manners.

Guys who go out with girls for their looks. [Both ways]

People who don't care.

People who easily give up.

Womanizers.

Small spaces.

Sodas. [With pizza, yes]

Getting lost. [I am the worst person at directions]

Family members that sulk in events of the past, don't forgive each other, or gossip.

PCs.

Crappy paper & pens.

Anything superficial. [People, comments, friends]

The type of people that don't care about world events, what's going on.

Spiders.

People who let good things pass them by.

Smelly food. [There are some cultures that, well... you get my point]

Fast engagements.

Judgmental people who base their opinions on what others tell them.

Girls that tan until they look like burnt leather.

People who don't accept their faults/imperfections.

People who don't intend on progressing towards becoming better individuals.

Guys that can't make decisions.

Guys who treat women like crud.

Winter.

Criticizers.

Cheaters.

Atheists. [When they are grateful, who do they thank?]

Girls who aren't capable of doing dirty work every now & then.

Overanalyzing. [GUILTY! ... and I really don't like this part of me]

Guys that show their underwear & don't care. [Wear a belt! GAH!]

Open cabinets.

Burnt toast.

People asking complicated questions when you just woke up.

Touchy people (3 P's: Pet, pat, pinch) - especially guys.

Wasting money on designer products.

Countdowns.

Obiettivi, Metas, Goals.

2009-08-19T00:57:00.008-06:00

I'm going to take what I learned at FHE on Sunday night and put it into practice. I have always loved feeling accomplished. It makes you feels so good inside & outside. Setting goals, in my opinion, can help us all progress towards becoming better people. So, I'm going to start a list now of some things I'd like to challenge myself with for a while.

Goals

(...That I will try my very best to keep up, yo.)

1. Read/watch/hear a Church talk every day.

I've actually been doing this every other day this past week, now I want to make it an everyday thing. I love hearing LDS Church authorities speak of all sorts of subjects because they tell stories and give vivid examples. Seriously, there are times when I feel lost because of the whole, "I'm a convert," thing. At times, I even feel stagnant - like I need to soak up more knowledge besides the scriptures. So true. Starting this has been the best decision because at times, I come across gray areas that I don't know about and before you know it, one of the Elders is talking about how X/Y/Z works and it's no longer rocket science. Oh, and talk about the Spirit I feel, yo. I loooove it.

2. Make my bed.

Yes, I know. LAME. I just don't make my bed people. Duh, bad habit. I think it'd be cool to tryyyyy making my bed on a daily basis. Not just get in get out kind of thing. Oh, by the way, today I was decorating and everything and whaddyaknow - I decided to put up my Tahitian fabric. My room is now half-Poly n' half-Rican.

3. Go to the gym everrruhydaaaaay.

And for the past 2 days I have been! Yuh-yeahhhh! If I -can't- go everyday, well then, it better be because something huge is going on #1, or #2 it's a, "break-day." Definition: I get to basically pig-out on that day. Mind you, I am NOT on a diet. Well... okay, I friggin' am! I can't help that went I back home this Summer I couldn't say, "NO" to any of the food that was in front of my face! Arroz con habichuelas gente! Sorrullos! Mayoketchu! Ahhhh! So, I need to get back to how I was when I left. (Clicks heels together).

4. Go to the Temple once a week.

I'm talking about going for ordinances and/or meditation. School is going to start soon and I'm not going to have as much time as I would like. I also have some things to ask Heavenly Father and I feel like I need to be there more constant than ever. I'm going to go early, that way I can take the Spiritual boost and apply it towards the rest of my day. I'm seriously so excited to do this.

Anyways, these are some of the goals that came to mind for now. I'm planning on giving them my all. I feel really good about them because I realize that each of them allows me to push forward. Like I said before, I love accomplishing things and feeling good about the tasks that I realize. I think this should be more of a constant thing for me, and that too, is another goal of mine - to keep on setting them and make them form into habits. That's it for now...

Since I've Been Back

2009-08-17T21:11:00.011-06:00

Besides searching for a needle in a haystack... -ahem- I mean, searching for a job in the midst of a recession... I've had some good times as well. I've been meeting new people and hanging out with many of my good ol' ones. I've been really pumped spiritually, it feels great. Church sessions have truly been amazing since I've gotten back. I attended an FHE at a Spanish ward yesterday, one of the Sisters gave a lesson on how important it is for us to think positively. Here are some of the notes I took last night.

Pensar Positivo & Establecer Metas

Las Metas:

1. Deben ser escritas.

2. Deben ser tuyas.

3. Deben ser medibles y específicas.

4. Deben ser positivas.

5. WIIFM (What's in it for me?) (Establecer una recompensa)

6. Deben ser realistas.

7. Debes de utilizar palabras de motivacion.

[Meta de un a~o] <- <- <- <- <- <- <- <- [Final de la meta]

Trabajar hacía atras para saber que es lo que vas a hacer para alcanzarla (Paso por paso).

- Pegar tus metas en las paredes.

- Seguir tu rumbo hacía cada una.

- Leer afirmaciones, utilizar palabras positivas que te motiven.

- Cuando son metas grandes, crear una lista con cosas que no se te pueden olvidar.

- Cuando comienzas a pensar de forma negativa, imaginate una puerta cerrando.

"La buena suerte

es cuando la preparación

cruza con la oportunidad."

From now on, I'm going to make it a goal of mine to constantly think positively no matter what the situation. Realistically speaking, I believe that thinking negatively is a waste of energy and it doesn't take us anywhere. Whether or not we do good or bad, we are still good people. If we think about our failures, it will continue to make us weaker. See it, fix it, next time - it will be better. Also, I'm going to do my very best to establish a new goal on a weekly basis.

I'm so blessed to have these teachers who are filled with the Spirit give these sorts of classes. I'm so grateful to be here at BYU and to be a member of the LDS Church. It has changed my life and I'm so glad that one day my children and their posterity will have the opportunity to hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ and be sealed unto eachother for all of eternity. Here are some pictures of some recent things I've been up to since I've been back at P-town:

@ the Movies

Mis Amigas Peruanas & Yo

@ Spark

Malu's 20th Bday

Quotes That Keep Me Sane

2009-08-17T20:22:00.008-06:00

Serious Quotes

"Decide what you want to be; pay the price, and be what you want to be." - Elder John A. Widstoe

"The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it.” - Pres. Thomas S. Monson

"A lot of compelling stories in the world aren't being told, and the fact that people don't know about them compounds the suffering." - Anderson Cooper

"History proves that it doesn't matter whether you come from a council estate or a country estate. Your success will be determined by your own fortitude, your own confidence, your own individual hard work." - Michelle Obama

"I don't like defining myself... I just am." - Britney Spears

"No, tu eres inconfundible." - Rocco "Life without earrings is empty!" - Elizabeth Taylor

"It is wonderful how much may be done if we are always doing." - Thomas Jefferson

"Cuando uno ve lo mejor, lo demás, apesta." - Mami

"People tell me I'm white, and I believe them because I've never been arrested in my foyer." - Stephen Colbert

"A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts." - James Allen

"Se me torció el deseo de seguir a los hombres." - Julia De Burgos

"Chance favors the prepared mind." - Louis Pasteur

"I need a boyfriend." - Me

"I need a GUN." - LR

"It's like real-life Clueless!" - LR

"I'm so pop-u-lur!" - Emily Grace

Citas Chistosas de la Escuelita ...

"En cinco a diez años, esos iPods van a estar a $19.99 en tu Walgreens." -Profesor Nelson Montalvo

"Jorge, le robaste una lata de Chef Boyardee a los nenitos de Haití?" -Nicole Fas
"Ellos no tienen microhondas." -Jorge Vélez

"... Y si no sirve para eso, no sirve para más nada." - Brenda G. Mejía

"Viajero!"

"Mazorka Airlines: Fly with the corn." -Daniel Mazorka

"La escuela no es estas paredes o estos pupitres, la escuela es ustedes." - Dir. Annelisse Ruiz

"Los polonos..." - Lorraine Cardona
"Polonos?" - Jochi
"Sí, los de Polonia." - Lorraine Cardona
"POLACOS." - Jochi

"Qué es un punto verde en una esquina? Un gandul castigado." - Andrea Jiménez

"Mi cuota de paciencia se agotó. Yo te voy a recomendar que guardes silencio por lo que resta de tu existencia." -Prof. Miguel Angel Rivera

"En esta escuela todos son come mierdas, elitistas, bochinchosos... por eso es que me gusta aquí." - Profesor Miguel Angel Rivera

A Lo Julia de Burgos

2009-08-16T21:32:00.005-06:00

Tal como existe la noche y el dia.

Como despues de cada momento de tristeza,

esperamos uno de felicidad.

Tal como en cada linea existen dos extremos,

el principio y el final.

Existimos las dos.

Tu, Heidi Lynn, eres sumisa.

Dios libre el que algun dia,

le hieres los sentimientos a tu vecino.

Yo, soy la guerrera.

No suelto las riendas,

hasta que el mundo se de por vencido.

Heidi Lynn, tu eres la que facilmente se derrite;

con una sonrisa, una mirada.

Yo, en cambio, soy la defensora.

La que mantiene el corazon encadenado,

apartado de los hombres,

que lo quieren hacer trizas.

Tu, Heidi Lynn, eres confiada.

La confianza se lo entregas como panfleto,

a cada extra~o que pasa por tu lado.

Sin esperar nada a cambio.

Yo, soy como una pared sin ventana.

No hay puertas;

no hay invasor que puede entrar desprevenido.

Conmigo no hay entradas, no hay salidas.

Heidi Lynn, te dicen.

Pero eres en esencia las dos.

Cuando te piden un favor lo haces.

Sin embargo, yo lo hago si se beneficia el mundo.

Tu lo realizas, para satisfacer las necesidades

de una persona que jamas haria lo mismo por ti.

Ay, Heidi Lynn, tu siempre tan ignorante.

Yo soy al reves, las palabras las considero

armas que te amarran a lo superficial.

Yo se que las palabras siguen su propia ruta,

van formando llagas en el paisaje,

como heridas que jamas se curaran.

No confio en letras que se unen en silabas,

sobre un papel que cualquiera pueda destrozar.

Yo confio en los hechos, las acciones -

a traves de estas es que se demuestra.

Tu, te has convertido en la esclava de tus pensamientos.

Todo lo analizas, todo lo pones bajo duda.

Yo soy la que sigo el camino hacia mis sue~os.

La que se deja llevar por los sentimientos,

no por las criticas, y muy pocas veces por lo logico.

Heidi Lynn, tu eres la que se vuelve intranquila,

cuando personas hablan lo que no es cierto.

Yo, jamas.

Todo lo que digan de mi,

se lo puede llevar el viento.

Tu te preocupas por si las personas te interpretan

como rara y distinta.

Yo entiendo que soy VanGogh,

hasta la Picasso de esta era.

Eso es lo que me hace unica,

no pienso como los demas.

Tu, Heidi Lynn, te sientes mas comoda con lo usual.

Cuando te miran rara despues de haber dicho algo,

rapidamente, pides perdon o lo retractas.

Cada dia que pasa, Heidi Lynn,

tu yo,

la que soy yo,

te va consumiendo cada poro.

De esto no tengas dudas Heidi Lynn,

ya me conoces.

Con ansias firmaste el credo.

Una Derrota Anticipada

2009-08-13T01:50:00.002-06:00

Una Derrota Anticipada

Este espacio me declaró guerra,

insinuó que no me quedaba aliento

para llenarlo.

Mentira, sólo tuve que cerrar los ojos.

En una ruta estrecha,

con una mirada fija,

mis pies sobre la tierra.

En rumbo hacía un terreno verde,

para comer los frutos del esfuerzo.

Las dudas entran como ladrones,

robándome la calma.

No les doy de mi tiempo,

no les doy de mi - nada.

Con cada batalla aprendemos,

los motivos del enemigo.

Me aferro a cada lección,

los resultados no son esclavos del destino.

Mi rumbo es hacía lo desconocido,

luego no se asombren.

Sólamente se me ha torcido

el deseo de seguir a los hombres.

A Point In My Life

2009-07-29T13:27:00.010-06:00

I'm at a

point in my life

where I don't know what's around the corner.

I've never been the type of person that:

a. doesn't know where she's headed

b. doesn't know what path she should take

c. doesn't know

d. all of the above

The past year has been hard. So, so hard. I have also never been the type to complain. I'm not about to change that. You live, you learn. Then, move on. I've always been very independent. I like that part of me. It's a lot easier to handle than my over-analyzing side. The whole, "not knowing" phase I'm going through, well, I'm pretty sure everyone goes through it. I have many things to be grateful for. So many things. I think I will feel better if I write a list. Bare with me here.

- Friends & family: Ah, yes. Without my daily loony sessions with LR, I think that the roof of life would have collapsed on me already. Church friends, NHS friends, spiritual friends, exemplary friends... the list goes on. Family, well - there have been some tough times, obviously. But in the end, we always love each other. This Summer reminded me of that. My Mom is my hero, imperfections and all. My brother reminds me that I have to keep strong and endure any trials that might seem impossible to resolve. I should try as best as I can to be an example.
- Church: When I applied to BYU, I doubted whether they would let me get in, "I'm a convert. I don't know squat about LDS Church doctrine, only some minor details. It's not likely." Well, as of the past 2 years, this is where Heavenly Father has placed me. He has a map for me, that I can't seem to interpret right this second, but I should have faith that it's there.
- Patriarchal Blessings: I had some things that I felt that I needed to iron out before I felt that I could read, interpret, and feel the promptings of the Spirit when I read my Patriarchal Blessing to myself. I needed to, "hechar le~a al fuego" - add some gas to the fire of my personal testimony, basically. When I read certain things, I felt some questions being answered and somehow, have more patience. I'm so grateful for this because at times I feel as if I want Heavenly Father to operate on my brain to inject the answers right then and there. Well, that's what Patriarchal Blessings are all about - receiving answers and guidance from up above. It's like having your personal map. We're so blessed for having the true authority in our Church, something else I'm grateful for.

Back Again, Tell A Friend.

2009-07-05T22:15:00.007-06:00

It's been a pretty, pretty, pretty long time since I've posted a blog entry. The only thing I remember about where I left off was when I was back in Hawai'i.

Wow.

Wow because of a couple of things:

1. Things that occupied my mind back then, have changed.
2. I've learned a lot of lessons - the hard way. But I have.
3. I'm still learning lessons, and dealing with new things in life that run through my mind on a daily basis.

I guess those are my top three. My eyes are closing from how tired I am right now. But I feel like I have to get this off my chest. To be honest, I don't even remember what my past blogs were about. Or maybe just a vague memory remains like the dust that layers a box put away for a long time... in a dark part of an attic or even the top shelf of your closet. You tend to forget what you stowed away. I'm still at BYU. Doing my, "thing."

Not a lot has changed... the things that have are vital to my understanding of life. Few is more, they say. Now I believe it. Friendship comes and goes. I don't trust like I used to. I believe that goodness is something that many have, of course. Human beings have so many godly attributes. But now, I wait for time to pass and things to happen to evaluate how much a person has and based on that, then that friendship becomes stronger. If it doesn't work, I have learned not to expect something from a person who can't and won't reach that expectation. I forgive and I forget, but I won't go down the same road again - especially if it becomes abusive. I'm not perfect, but that is what life is about and even if people do things that I think they could've done better, I'm not one to judge - nor ever will be.

Having the Holy Spirit as a companion 24/7 is like having oxygen in my lungs. I can't be without it. If I am, I feel like I'm dying every second and I want it by my side at all times. When the Holy Spirit tells me something, it can be a whisper, an impression, a punch in the face, or even a message through Facebook. Well, sort of. Patience, should be sold at Wal-Mart, because I need extra for cheap. If I'm out of stock, well then, I need to wait. The wait is always worth the while. Those are -some- of the many things I've learned in the past two semesters. I'll update you later. I need sleep.

Let the Days Go By

2008-05-26T23:08:00.008-06:00

And...

I'm supposed to be studying...

For an Old Testament midterm that I have tomorrow. I guess if I spill the beans... or basically, everything that is on my mind, it'll be a lot easier to concentrate.

Q: Who am I kidding?

Answer: Myself, if I really was to

answer that question.

Hawai'i is great.

I'm loving EVERYTHING.

Loving...

The weather. It reminds me SO much of being back in Puerto Rico. The clouds, the sunset... every element of nature seems to be alligned with the happiness that people feel here.

The chill atmosphere. Not caring should be a law here. Everyone follows it. There's no need to endulge yourself in anything else but nature. You can go to class wearing basketball shorts and no one will look twice. I'm already catching myself acting like a Poly-rican.

The cultures. I've made so many friends since I've been here. Among them, Sam the Samoan and Scott the Tahitian/Utahan are hilarious together... Asenath understands everything that goes on, even if it's 6,500 miles away... Tina is the crazy Tongan that spices up every moment of the day. Margie, my Palauan sister, we have SO much fun taking random pictures, sneaking around the Hales, going to the beach at night, getting munchies and raiding the vending machines...

Ah, my roommate is pretty much stressed about school and being here in Lai'e for so long. She's going to be leaving. I understand her... I really really do. I was in Provo and I felt like my world was ending. I've realized that if I want to study, it'll only be for two semesters and then I need a break, even if I have to work. I prefer this over being the white slave that I've always been with my studies for the past year. Not including back home...

I was thinking how I want to travel the world at a young age. I want to SO bad. I want to see things before I have to wheelchair myself around Paris... Scotland castle ruins... you get my drift?

Hawai'i for me is quite an adventure but still... I guess that's what me wanting to study journalism is all about. Getting to experience things. But then what if I'm not accepted? How is life so unfair sometimes that people who have the passion for journalism just aren't accepted into the program?

I've been having this thing with my old BJ teacher and he can't find my tape that my friend handed in for me since I left for Hawai'i to study here this term. My grade could be an A but without the tape, it's still a B+. I'm still freaking out because he's said how people have not entered the program for one measly little point. I don't want to be that example. I hope that Heavenly Father helps me out a bit here.

Anyways, I miss home. I miss home. I miss home. I miss the food, my friends, my family, my life, my weather, my house, etc. I know that once I go back things will set in that I'm glad that I didn't stay. I'll see how lots of people haven't changed or matured and are in the state where drinking booze and smoking is the best way to party. It's so sad. But then again, there are people who I know will have gotten out of that and will be so far ahead in life. I wish everyone the best because all my friends no matter what will always be my friends. Just like family is always family.

I guess these are the sort of trials that God puts us through so we can become stronger people and we can learn how to forgive no matter what. I hold no grudges against anyone. One thing is to forgive, but another thing is to let the person do the same things over and over again... abusing you. I love everyone and it sounds to friggin' cheesy but it's the truth. What hurts me is to think that there are people who can think so badly of you and I'm not saying I'm perfect, for sure I'm not. But that is what life is all about, perfecting yourself... becoming a better human being.

I have the desire to become a better person and it'll take time as does everything else in this life. Sometimes I get too emotional about things or my imagination starts running off even if there's no need. Ay... something I have to work on.

Soaking Up What's Left of the Sun

2008-05-21T05:16:00.006-06:00

So I've hit the 4 week mark. That only means that 31 days are left till I go back home, to my well missed island of enchantment.

For me it's more than a 6,000 mile trip.

It's me realizing that things probably haven't changed for the better over there, instead for the worse.

Government, friends, crime... I'm not trying to be all pessimistic and simply say that my friends haven't grown, they probably have indeed. But I am saying that the majority are most likely in the little world of theirs where school, liquor and hard partying are the only three priorities on their 'To Do List'. My cultural cravings aren't entirely impossible for me to satisfy while I'm here in Hawai'i.

No, not talking what the typical teenage Puerto Rican would miss:

Jangueo till 6 a.m.
The, "chonkeaera." (hangover)
Medalla Lights durante los Happy Hours
Perreo
Guys who wax their eyebrows
Or just the fact they look into the mirror more than a girl does

My cultural craving? Well, it's a lot more simple than that:

It's white.

Ridiculously small.

... & it comes in groups.

RICE!

So I FINALLY am going to get interviewed for the KI tomorrow. Let's see how that goes. Yay!

I've been trying to hit the beach as much as possible, still am not as DARK as I wanted to be at this time. More reasons to keep on going...

So nothing new has happened... I met this poly guy and he's been dying to 'kick it' (Hawaiian phrase of the day for "hanging out") with me. Uh, my roommate gave him my numero and he's been making use of it ever since. Whyyyyyyyyyy!! Girls, do NOT I repeat, DO NOT - hand out your friend's number without permiso beforehand. K? Thx. You know what I find hilarious? He saw me for two seconds in my PJ's.

Well, other than that... it's a lot of soaking up what's left of the sun for 4 more weeks.

Guys.

2008-05-16T02:49:00.014-06:00

I was joking with my roommate today that maybe lesbianism is the answer to everything... I might really start thinking about that. Joking, joking.

These are things that for us, (we agreed) are essential traits in guys. I guess that's why I've been a loner all this time, but seriously ...

I don't thnk it's hard for guys to do these things or at least, get on the track of accomplishing them.

1. Getting to know a guy, thoroughly.

If she asks a question, why don't you answer it and then ask -her- one?

2. Not portraying yourself as a 'worthy' priesthood holder through your actions, is a turnoff.
Guys, if you read this realize that girls are emotional creatures and being in search of other things is the biggest turn off ever. Including/inviting to Church activities is a must. Put more effort into the personal 'getting to know you' part of the deal and show that the Church is a part of your life.

3. Detailed, puh-leez.
Not high maintenance, mind you. It's just cool when you do the unexpected for eachother.It doesn't have to cost a dime but the small things are what enrich the relationship. Just how the authorities say that even if you're old, a couple should still go out on dates.

4. Party, where?
Oh, you party? Cool. But the party-ER is never a good idea. Going out is, kicking it with friends, yes. Hanging out with you, of course.

5. Sabbath issues.
Don't end up doing stuff on the Sabbath. If it's easy for a person to overlook this, wouldn't it be easy for him to overlook many other things? I'm not perfect, for sure. But at least -try- to progress with the things that Heavenly Father commands us to do.

Other things and summary (thanks to my roomie who helped me with this):

Men:

Just don't lie... don't even stretch or minimize the truth.
Do more talking and you get more points.
Be open about who you are, because she really wants to know.
We're not perfect, so we don't expect you to be. But give your best to the Lord, each day, everyday.
Do things that are memorable.

Okay, so to end on a good note for any guys who might be reading and feeling flustered after le sesion de chastising... joking, joking... I went to the beach today. It was lovely, I must say. Even though I was stressed, I fell asleep on the sand and took in the salty scented sea breeze. We even saw a turtle. I'm going to keep on my chill mood here... I only have 5 weeks left. Then, finally... back home. :)

Feeling of Peace

2008-05-10T00:39:00.011-06:00

Somehow I'm in Hawai'i. Many things have happened since the last time I wrote here. Everything except for my relationship status. Luh-aim! So just the fact that I'm going home soon makes me really happy. It was hard moving out from my on-campus housing but thankfully, because of my Wonder Mom, it worked.

At first when I arrived to Oahu it was a big... big change. La'ie is so small for such a change; or so I thought. There is so much culture to suck up... I feel like a sponge. One of my biggest mistakes (now resolved) was coming here without a bathing suit. I went on the bus with a newly acquired friend, from BYU Utah. To go around the entire island it only takes 2 hours. Just a skip and a jump and we're back in Lai'e.

We went to the beach yesterday. I felt at peace. The transparent water, the soft and perfect white sand... oh man. It indescribable. I applied for a job as reporter for the university newspaper. I'm taking Old Testament and News Writing. It's crazy how only 5 weeks are left before I leave for my home. Oh goodness... just thinking that... it's so different. As long as I get to go, see my friends and family - I'm happy. I really am. I feel like so many loose ends were left. I know that I'm being random at this point. Only because I'm tired and my brain feels like mush. Anyways... I'll update soon.

Finishing at the "Y"

2008-04-09T14:32:00.008-06:00

So time is passing and things are finishing up here at the Y. This second semester went by so fast, I remember it still... me wanting to start something new. Recreate my social life, make new friends and keep old ones. There have been lots of surprises this semester. My social life was pretty good, it could've been better though. I have kind of confirmed where I'll be living when I start again in Fall... (yay for Football season!) and I've lost some people that I thought were different but actually... I kind of realized how the people that have to be in your life already are, and those who aren't well, they just aren't. So life has been okay lately. I consciously admit that I haven't been putting all I should into my classes but I'm not on the verge of failing either. I feel guilty about it but my scholarship won't hold up no matter what. I feel like a loser when I compare myself to other people here. Back home, I was a straight-A student and here getting a low B is normal. Eek... I dunno.

Today I showed my BJ professor my first story and he said that the focus was kind of off. I completely understood once he explained to me... instead of focusing on the way people felt about poverty around the world, I focused on the activity itself. How ridiculous of me. I felt as if my CNN dream went POOF! - goodbye! I bet Anderson Cooper has never been told that... EVER. I mean, I take constructive criticism well but I really felt as if I screwed up something that I worked so hard on. Eh... nobody's perfect. But I tried so hard to have an amazing story and I ended up doing a crappy job.

Next week is for us students to dedicate ourselves to review for our finals that are to be given the following week. I have one day to pack and move my stuff. Yes, I repeat, ONE day. I don't know if you know... but if you don't I can tell ya. I have SO many things. I moved from an island people, not from some place 20 minutes away. I can't swim back home if I want to wear a shirt I left in my closet. Mom is coming to the rescue and so that will definitely help. I miss B, my brother, so much... today he's gonna see J and I know he's gonna be emotionally drained after this.

Time flies. Hawai'i is almost confirmed, I'm on the phone right now with the airliners that I bought my ticket from. The call has been disconnected twice already and it has me really frustrated. (I'm on hold... again... how... lovely?) Argh... Let's see what they tell me. As long as I can get to the island of paradise... away from the nasty gray weather of Provo, I'll be happy. The other thing has to do with the money for housing. I told my grandparents about being accepted and they were all so willing to pay housing fees but not anymore. I don't understand, they have a multi-million dollar company and they can't help me out here. Mom helps me enough and what dad sends me each month I've been saving up to pay tuition.

I know what I'll do! I'll stand on the corner of the Wilkinson Center and sell myself. Lovely idea... Sounds so Honor Code approved.

I kid, I kid.

I have class soon and I'm hungry...

(Still on hold.)

Other than that, things are good.

I just want my adventure to come true.

Maybe.

2008-04-01T23:37:00.006-06:00

Maybe things are bound to be the way they are ...

no matter what I try to do in the end, will they end up being a certain way? Is there only one feasible option no matter what?

Eh, what am I trying to say?

I have no clue.

So let me give you an update since we're now in April and it's overdue... Maybe I'm the one that's twisted... I'm not sure though. Hawai'i is now a maybe. My grandparents have decided to not help me with housing for next year which pretty much leaves me screwed for Hawai'i ... So maybe I go, maybe I don't. My brother B misses me, and I miss him. Maybe being here is the best example I can give him. Maybe there's more? My mom's health is something that I constantly worry about, maybe me being here is hurting her more emotionally than I could ever imagine. It's all a matter of time and prayer. And that is definitely, not a maybe.

The More Boys I Meet, The More I Love My Dog

2008-03-17T00:47:00.006-06:00

So, things have been okay lately. I randomly went through this phase where I thought that I was going to end up alone. I woke up about a week later and thought to myself - What are you fretting about?

I know it sounds dumb and all that but thinking that I'm alone because I haven't gone out on any dates. Why am I worried about something that Utah does? Ughhhhh...

I've been here too longgggg.

For those of you who don't know about us Puerto Ricans, we don't go on dates. It's not our culture. Even if there were opportunities, it just so happens to be that 99.9% of the time that I meet more boys, the more I learn to appreciate my dog.

I filmed my enterprise story and I really wasn't all satisfied with my 'stand-up'. I don't think that Anderson Cooper would like it either... I'm sorry, I'm sorry. J helped B and I so much with everything and for that I am SO grateful. I skipped News Writing last week to help out in the newsroom and it was so worth it.. Oh well, at least journalism isn't a pooch. Wait, where did that come from?

Woah, I'm Famous.

2008-03-07T19:31:00.006-07:00

It was one of few steps she would take on American soil—to continue in pursuit of higher education at BYU.

An education described by learning, but not limited to secular curriculum. Instead, it would be a learning characterized by multicultural influence—a learning of the world. Heidi Lynn Camacho was born in New York, but rais

ed primarily in Puerto Rico.

________ considers Cabo Rojo her hometown, which, translated into English, means “Red Cape.” It is famous for its beaches, blue skies, and majestic mountains—all very dear to her.

Proud to be Hispanic, and even more fond of her heritage, she enjoys reminiscing of her native land, and even more so, of those she left back home. Despite the great love she has for Puerto Rico, Heidi Lynn takes pleasure in engulfing herself in numerous cultures from around the world. Currently, she is enrolled in a Polynesian dancing class on campus—one culture she truly appreciates. She is also always considering learning new languages, including Arabic and Tongan, as well as getting to know others’ unique cultures and religions.

Due to the fact that ________’s parents were once both practicing Jehovah’s witnesses, and now, her mother and herself, a convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, she continually makes an effort to seek after those from various backgrounds. This humble heart and mature spirit though came from growing old faster than most. Her parents divorced when she was but a young child, and as she said, “The divorce occurred before I even knew what love was… but it was then that I knew heartbreak.”

Despite the unfortunate circumstances, _______ remains optimistic. “I’ve matured and realized that even though things don’t happen the way I’d like them to, it doesn’t mean that it’s the end and that there can be no happiness at all,” said the BYU student, in response to the traumatic event in her life. “It just means that one has to try harder to find it.”

________ is an independent thinker—opinionated from her own pondering, as she believes that in order to arrive at an opinion, one must first be capable of doing the research. She dreams of becoming a journalist—desiring the opportunity to travel the world with a camera and microphone in hand to provide a voice to those who are otherwise unable to offer one.

“I want to help others succeed in life and reach out to those who are in circumstances that can be prevented,” _______ said. By choosing a career that can be so publicly driven, ________ believes that unnecessary circumstances can be removed from anyone and everyone’s existence.

After all, her greatest satisfaction is in helping others overcome their personal challenges, and so, such a career would be more than applicable. Within this dream though, she too would love to have a family—one raised in the gospel, composed of a loving husband and father. Camacho swears at the success of her dreams, for as she assures, she will leave this world having taken countless steps on soil once foreign to her, but on lands and with people she will soon become familiar.

_____________ will truly come to know the world.

Poor Excuses.

2008-02-18T20:36:00.004-07:00

So here I am posting something rather than writing my news package for Broadcasting. I mean, this is what I wanted - really... but I find it rather ridiculous that there is so much competition.

My pain?

I might not make it.

I always tell my friends to remain optimistic in the good and bad but it seems as if I can't apply my own advice.

Last week took forever to go by. I mean, I had so much homework and studying to get done that I almost didn't survive. But, my Friday was indeed amazing. There was this BSU party on-campus and it wasn't nasty at all (as in girls and boys dancing in dark parts of the room doing who-knows-what). The 3 hours spent there were fabulous and made me forget about the whole world. I ended up meeting D there and at first, it was empty. Time passed by and it got fuller. There were a ton of Polynesians and my own Latino people. S arrived later with T and we partied it up like there was no tomorrow. The best part of this was how there was in industrial fan in front of the stage and we made our own music video performance. Well, pretty close to that.

So.

Much.

Fun.

Btw, S finally got some lovin' and I am so happy for her. :) She deserves a nice guy. Oh, and every guy is getting their mission call and it's pretty intense. I mean, just think about it - the guys who I'm befriending now won't be here until after two years of serving a mish. Talking about church... I have to give a talk this Sunday about my conversion story and I bet people can't wait to hear my crazy soap opera tale. My mom should have named me Maria del Barrio. Other than that, I'm just dealing with looking for new housing for next year. I still haven't decided on Hawai'i or doing an internship in Miami.

My love life hasn't changed. Nor am I expecting it to. Non-existent, I might add. I've been working out because the Cannon Center clogs arteries. And for me, having all-you-can-eat ice-cream doesn't help much either. That's it for now, I want it to be Friday so I can party again... forget about how many neurons I've burned during the week. Until then, I don't have any poor excuses for not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Besos.

A Birthday Wish.

2008-02-12T01:04:00.006-07:00

So it's that day of the year that I was born.

Do you not think I'm excited?

Yipee!

Hurrah!

Actually, I really am not jumping for joy.

I haven't had good birthdays in the past and every time I try to make it different... and all, "happy go jolly" things don't go well.. I mean I'm grateful for all the blessings in my life but I feel as if I've never felt a 24 hour duration of being happy on the 12th of February.

Genuine happiness.

In addition:
- my mom isn't here...
- my brother won't call me...
- and my dad, well.... my dad has never been one to care.

So S friend asked me what I wanted to do. I'm still staring into emptiness because I'm not excited about it. All my friends are the type of people who plan it out with months in advance but... I just don't. I just don't feel that the day I was born should be celebrated because my life has had so many twists and turns. Oh man, I'm crying already.

I miss my home,

my friends,

and most of all -

my family.

I feel alone all the time. I know it's for the better that I am where I am now. I should be happy. I know I should. But I can't. I just want the 13th to come and pretend like the 12th never happened. It always feels like this. So maybe I can be happy by not trying to be happy on my birthday. Every time I have tried to be happy in the past on my birthday, I end up crying or with a hurting heart. Anyways, I can't stand the thought of it being the 12th. If they asked me what my birthday wish is this year, I'd just say for it to be the 13th.

Week-start!

2008-01-26T17:07:00.002-07:00

So the weekend finally arrived and I was so ecstatic. I've worked my butt off this week and I think I'll see the reward in the end. I received my new phone that actually works this week and hooked it up so that whatever e-mail I receive can be sent to it. This random message popped up and told me that I had received an e-mail from BYU admissions about the decision they made because of the application I sent in to BYU Hawaii. I jumped off my bed nervously and opened the Church School Admission website and there it was, it said that I was admitted. I really am happy. At the same time, I'm so grateful for this opportunity to actually go somewhere with tropical weather. Now what I need to figure out is if I'm going to be accepted or taken into an internship in Florida and if I am - then I probably or most likely won't be able to go to BYU Hawaii for the semester I planned on going to. Ok, enough of that... I have the biggest headache at this moment but I really feel like going out.

Last night (Friday) S and I went to the mens volleyball game and they won. After that, we went to an on-campus party and had some fun there. Today I woke up at 1 and only because the sun shined so brightly that it wouldn't let me sleep. It was so weird and it actually reminded me of how I used to wake up with the sun shining on my face and the wind blowing from the mountains. Just thinking about it makes me feel all homesick, again. I have some things that I have to do today for school so I better get on that... Oh, by the way I saw one of my ex-roommates friends and I really didn't recognize him but he did recognize me. I felt so bad... the thing is that he's so different from how I remembered him. Random thought... I miss talking to my best bud V from back home. I really do. So yeah, that's a good enough update for now. I hope I do something tonight, otherwise... I'll just get into my books and chill alone. I'm rather fond of doing that. Except for the fact that when I actually do - I end up watching chick flicks and feeling like a hopeless romantic. I know that I am ... but it doesn't have to feel that obvious. Besos.

Why Can't My Life Be a Chick Flick?

2008-01-21T16:49:00.006-07:00

Well, I finally moved into my new apartment. Things seem to be going well with my new roommate and I. It feels amazingly good to be in a new social atmosphere. Already two weeks have passed this semester and it feels as if it's been an eternity. I'm so scared of screwing up the last two requirements that I have in order to apply for Broadcast Journalism next Fall.

Let's see... I'm trying to think of anything new that might be worthy enough to include in here. So I went to Idaho and nearly died of a stomach virus. I had a really nice White Christmas. I haven't seen my friend who had problems with the whole guy situation. I got a haircut and it looks nice & different. My cellphone isn't working and they are going to send me a replacement for the replacement. Doesn't that stink? I mean, come on... things like this only happen to me. No joke. Oh, and finally... I had to erase my whole computer. This only means that I wasn't able to save any of my Itunes purchases and lost my money. Stinkin' itunes! Ay bendito... Que vida amargada la mia! Ok, I'm exaggerating.

Other than that, I've gone to Sundance and stayed at this really nice cabin (it only cost about oh, $4 million dollars). It was ... wow. You might be wondering about the title of this post and what it has to do with anything. Well, I've watched so many chick flicks lately and I just wish mine would unfold. Okay, I'm being severely cheesy. Pardon me. I met this really nice RM in the library but he had only arrived a week before and I wouldn't have dared to give him my number. He served his mission in Spain and his name was Derek. Boring entry - I know. But nothing out of the ordinary has taken place. But this doesn't mean that it won't. Stay in tune... Besos.

Miss Keep Her Distance.

2007-12-11T00:52:00.004-07:00

So after all the fuss that's been happening lately. Good things too have been taking place. For that same reason, I am grateful. I really, really, really am. Sometimes it's difficult for me to see past all the not so amazing things and point out those moments and people that really do shine in my life. I realize that I need to do this more often... so I will.So it's been snowing. Obviously with all that white stuff comes the freezing cold. Somehow, I've survived all the inhumane temperatures. Today has been full of deep thoughts. Let me begin by sharing the wonderful experience of my first date. it wasn't as bad as I had expected. Overall, he was a complete gentlemen. We talked about how both our parents are divorced, how hard it was for me to adapt to Mormon culture, my roomies talking about boys 24/7, how being in the LDS Church has helped us, etc. I sincerely could not think of a better way to have spent it. Finally, I realize that guys at BYU are the ones whom I can have intelligent conversations with. Well, a couple.

All I know is that I am known around here as Miss Independent, the one who shuns guys away from her because it's easier to not open up. Yes, I admit it. I place the truth in all of your hands. I am s-c-a-r-e-d. Well, except for Heavenly Father and Jesus - but does that e ven count? I mean, I'm talking, "human" here. Or maybe one of these days Miss Keep Her Distance will... ? Will what? Me, nothing. What every dame needs is a guy who is genuinely in love with Heavenly Father who can be a great dad, husband, son, friend... the whole shabang.

Ten Items of Randomness.

2007-12-05T23:32:00.003-07:00

So I haven't updated this thing in it seems like ages... and to be honest - many thing have happened. And out of all those things, I'm gonna list some randomly; whatever comes to mind first.

1. I'm finally moving out of my apartment.

2. In two days I only had 1 hour of sleep.

Yes, my English paper and the procrastination lead me to actually turn a blind eye to it and just not do it. Craziness? Of course. The two days that I had only slept 1 hour I was normal but then it came to the point where on the third, I was just a m-e-s-s.

3. Got asked out on a date. (My first one ever...)

Finally? Let's see how it goes. Remember, this whole BYU culture thing or Mormon culture thing, it takes some getting used to. Um, so... is this the process? jaja. Oh crud.

4. Homework and papers have been piling up and they never EVER finish.

Every day I have billions of things to do - papers to write, homework to complete, classes to go to and make sure I'm not late. Oh the stress.

5. This Boricua is ripped - thanks to my aerobics class (that I take every day).

6. I just finished applying to Hawaii. :]

I hope that I can really go to Hawaii for Spring term. It would be a new adventure and I love doing new things. If it doesn't happen Heavenly Father knows why. I trust Him enough to not doubt that he knows what He's doing in my life. :)

7. I love my fam.

8. I love pepperoni pizza.

9. I don't like anchovies.

10. I'm grateful for everything that the Lord has blessed me with.

Vacation = Redevelopment of Neurons

2007-11-25T17:04:00.003-07:00

I needed this vacation, badly. It's been amazing to be able to wake up whenever your body just can't sleep anymore and you're hungry. My neurons I believe, have greatly benefited from these few days off. For Thanksgiving S and a friend invited me over and we ate - the food was great. I stayed over and even learned how to play Guitar Hero. At first I felt like a doofus but finally got a hold of it. We went to Temple Square in Salt Lake City and it was freezing! Taking pictures along our walk is what entertained us and kept the blood flowing through us so that we might not freeze to death. We went to Park City the following day and it reminded me of Transylvania. It was so gloomy and depressing. We went to an outlet mall and yes, I bought shoes... AGAIN. I don't even need anymore shoes than what I already have. I have more shoes than underwear. No joke. I should have a guard retain me from purchasing anything that goes on my feet. That would help me and stop my wallet from getting lighter. When they dropped me off at my dorm, I saw that two packages had been delivered for me. One was a printer that my dad had the decency to buy me. The other, was my mom who was sending me some left over money that my class had divided and sent to each of us. She also sent me a new watch, some shirts, a block of paper, and a princess cup (random, I know).

The Game - BYU vs. Utah

So yesterday was the BYU vs. Utah fame and it was a jaw dropper. I haven't felt that tense in a long time. This Ute fan sat in front of my friends and I. During the whole game, he would look at us and criticize my friends for reading the words to the Fight Song. When there was only one minute left for the game and he saw that we were winning, he disappeared. I was grateful for that. Poor sportsmanship!

When we did win, we jumped over the bars and into the stadium. I walked past a football player and they are so tall. Or is it that I'm insanely short? Eh, probably a combination of both. My arms hurt so bad from trying to make everyone around me clap and scream for our team. When we were walking out of the stadium, mu two friends from Washington who had been with me throughout the whole game persuaded me to go with them and eat. So I did and the food was great. When I got home I took the longest nap and woke up around 9:30 p.m. After that, I decided that since today was going to be Sunday, I was going to have to buy food. I went and it was FREEZING. I have this theory that if it's going to be this cold, it just might as well snow. Because it hasn't. School begins tomorrow and I'm not excited at all. At least I've done productive things (besides sleeping). My laundry is done, my room is organized (kinda), and there's food. I've been alone since Friday night but it's been great actually. Being alone has given me time to appreciate this feeling of independence. All the CNN that I've missed - well I've watched it all.

I'm going to Hawaii hopefully in spring to study for that term and I've decided that I'll go to Puerto Rico for summer. I do miss it, but just the beach and family. I know that once I step onto my dear island, reality will smack me in the face.
Oh and I'm really excited to move out, I'll miss Sara bear of course. :)

National Random Day.

2007-11-22T02:14:00.002-07:00

So today I was so happy that I could sleep in finally. No one waking me up. No alarm to wake up to. No crazy 'n loud roommate laughing or screaming her head off in the kitchen. Nope, none of that. Instead, I was awakened to the lovely and enchanting sound of the birds chirping outside my window. -scratch that- My lovely idea of waking up late whenever my lazy body felt possible, was IM-possible. Around 10 a.m. - ish someone started banging on the door. Matame! I went and it was prince charming... actually, it was maintenance. They came to fix the broken??? bathroom fan. Since WHEN!?!? My roommates claim things to be broken. I'm surprised they haven't called maintenance to fix my Puerto Rican self. SHEESH.

Random people kept on knocking and knocking! Do they not have lives where they can't sleep in the day when vacation starts!? I just ignored them ALL. I ended up waking up at 1:30 p.m. I still had to finish some things for my Communications 101 class and a quiz. The only two things left till I would be free and happy! I did feel alone for one moment until I slapped myself with this thought. I'd rather feel this way than clobbered with boy drama comments from my roommates in the other room. Yeah. I really did. I finished my assignments for Comms 101 and was forced to do laundry. If not, the laundry police would've arrested mah booty. So I did and it was cool because no one else was there.

Afterwards, my roomie from summer term called me and told me that for her birthday she wanted to invite me to go to the movies. S had also offered me to go Salt Lake City's Temple Square. At one moment I really wanted to go with her but I thought of how much it would mean to my first friend if I spent time with her on her birthday. I texted Sfriend and just told her thanks but I couldn't. She replied later and told me that we'd go tomorrow. I am so excited! She even invited me to eat over at her apartment for gobble gobble day. So the most random event of the day was my previous more than a friend guy calling me. "Just to see how things were with me." Interesting. Thinking about the call now, I proclaim today to be National Random Day. Other randomness: My friend got his mission call to South Africa and I am so happy for him! Yesterday we filmed a music video and I can't wait to see it... I don't think that I'll ever get to Hawaii with all the financial push backs I'm having. Oh, and my bed is comfy.

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

2007-11-20T02:20:00.003-07:00

Today was hectic but I made it. I randomly thought that my English paper was due today at 11 a.m. but it wasn't! That's not the point actually... I basically fell to sleep on top of my laptop at 5 a.m. thinking that I had to get it done and over with to hand it in on time. My roommate asked me what I was doing and she told me that it wasn't due until Tuesday.

After Communications I had an appointment with this lady in the Communications Advisement Center. Friday in one of my classes that scared the hadungeez out of me because they were really blunt. Actually, too blunt I believe. "If you don't make it in the department, you're gonna have to change your major." Uh, no. That's not an option for me right now, or ever. I decided not to think about it all this weekend and wait until today when hopefully everything would turn out alright.

Well they did. She explained A through Z to me and for that I am very grateful. I'm going to apply in September and then wait four weeks till they tell me whether or not I entered. -cringes- Yikes. Oh the nerve wrecking feeling that brings me... I have gray hair already. I can't imagine not majoring in Broadcast Journalism. Scary... Later on, my old roommate from summer term came over for lunch and we ate. It was so greasy that I'm having heart palpitations right now. She wanted to watch a movie so I started to see it with her, until I couldn't anymore and "zombied" my way to bed. I ended waking up around 5ish and felt better from the whole crappy night incident. Tomorrow is my last day of classes until next Monday. I really need this time off to just chill. Yesterday I was worried. Today I'm thinking about the future. Tomorrow will happen as long as I'm willing to work for it.

Thou Shall Not Procrastinate

2007-11-18T17:10:00.002-07:00

Well, today I was alone with my liberal roommate who lives two doors down from our apartment hall. She went on a date last night with a guy she's like for a while and before you know it there was an awkward silence in the kitchen. Yes, they devoured each other. ....... I finally got interviewed with my awesome bishop for my Patriarchal blessing. I'm way psyched about the whole thing. Maybe this will slap me in the face and make me realize that I'm going somewhere after all this work. He asked me if I had broken any of the commandments and I told him that all I've done is procrastinate. Thou shall not procrastinate. He laughed.

I felt as if the stake presidency that visited our first sessions of Church today was talking directly to me. I know it sounds ridiculous but really. "Satan makes us procrastinate and it is upon procrastination that he edifies sloth."

Well, miraculously my Mexican friend who is going through lots of things because they've resulted from her not so good decisions - responded to me through an IM last night. Every time she needs to vent out her problems, she's come to me. I've given her advice. Why? This is what I believe a true friend should do. It doesn't matter if they don't accept it... at least you told them what decision would be beneficial for them in their particular situation. Ok, enough of the rant. I have homework to do. I'm gonna start a chant...

Thou shall not procrastinate... Thou shall not procrastinate... Thou shall not procrastinate...

I Just Hope.

2007-11-18T01:12:00.002-07:00

This weekend passed by so fast I can't even believe it's Sunday tomorrow. Today the Cougars won Wyoming so I was happy... I woke up just to see the game after waking up at 12 midday. Man, was I dead! Then again, after all this energy - ask me if I did anything productive today: NAY. -rolls eyes- So I received this envelope in the mail from my madre and she sent me cash. I'm in dire need of it because I had to randomly cancel my credit card account because of suspicious withdrawals. Yawn. No ATM = No $$ cash $$ for me until I get my new plastic dough toy in the mail. Heeheehee. My phone was M.I.A. for the most part of the day. Needless to say, as I was about to pull my hair out - I found it stuck between the wall and my mattress. Do these things happen to make my life more entertaining? Because seriously, if that is not the case... nevermind. Other than that, today was pretty chill. I bought what you guys call "nuggets" at the Creamery and somehow heated them up in the oven and ate them. That's the closest I've gotten to fast food in forever.

About moving, well... I'm still trying to decide where. Helaman Halls is way more social than where I am now so I want to. But when I visited the rooms, they reminded me of narrow hallways with dungeons for rooms. Okay, it wasn't that bad but remember that I have a kitchen now and a lobby to my main entrance. S and I ended up going there and I met some chikos and it was cool because they just walked up to us. Maybe not wanting to be in the dungeons force you to be social somehow? That's my theory. I can't wait till the BYU vs. Utah game. I'm really looking forward to whooping their U-hinds!! I need to get to sleep... Church tomorrow and plus, I have to talk with the Bishop. I missed a meeting that I had with him for being interviewed for my Patriarchal Blessing. I even wrote it down in my agenda... I feel so bad. :/ I hope I can live in a non-dungeon room next semester. I hope I get my Patriarchal Blessing soon - I need direction in my life right now. I hope we win the football game on the 24th. I just hope... a lot.

You Should Major In Acting.

2007-11-14T14:17:00.004-07:00

I set up my alarm for me to wake up at 7:20. It's across the room so if at any random moment I feel like snoozing in, I have to get my tush up from bed and press the button. Well, my daily morning ritual is to do that before I actually wake up. I got dressed, went to my Aerobics class and got there just in time. Yeah, -on time-.

I need to begin printing everything the night before.

Always, well... the majority of the times there's always some glitch that jams it or just out of la nada -occurs-.

If my life depended on the success of a printer,

I'd be toast already.

English class hasn't been easy at all and I'm supposedly taking the easiest. Psh... yeah right. BYU takes freshmen graduate students and they give them a teacher title. I took my paper twice to the famous Writing Center here on campus and that's supposed to make your paper holy. What do I mean by holy? Perfection. My paper's "perfection" gave me a C-. I cringed my teeth when she told us that she was going to give us back our Rhetorical Analysis . Miraculously, I was given a B-. Even with all of that, a B and a C! Once I finish taking all my Communication requirements I need to apply for the department, showing this grade.

Oh and a random fact I just realized...

Reason why I'm "different" here: I'm from Puerto Rico and that seems to amaze people I meet."Where are you from?" I take in a short breath, push out the two words, "Puerto Rico." They drop jaw, stand back, and say, "That's awesome!" or, "Cooooooool!", something like that. Other than that, I don't play the piano or for that matter, even play the harmonica... so I'm just some random foreigner wandering around.

70% of the people I meet at BYU

ask me if I have a Visa.

Well, I'm really moving out from the room I'm living in right now to Helaman Halls. The difference is that here in Heritage Halls we have a kitchen and an actual bathroom/shower within our apartment. I really have no idea what I'm going to do with all the canned Puerto Rican beans that I have stowed under my bed if in fact I move there. Maybe I can have a goodbye party with everyone and have them for appetizers? Ha.

I feel bad about leaving my apartment because I'll miss my roomie. I love her and she knows it. Some other girls are just drama city and silly. Yes, silly because I don't want to use a harsher word. Only in high school was that "cool". Okay, not even - at least where I'm from. Honestly, I make an effort to keep out of their path just to not deal. The last drama I had was in elementary school where I was picked on, but everyone else has gone through that. Eh... I rather ignore it for now. Only 1 month to go. If you want to be like that, you should major in acting. Otherwise, please no.

Life Is Good.

2007-11-13T23:49:00.007-07:00

Arriving to BYU hasn't been easy at all. Everything is so different than what I'm used to. For those who don't know, I'm not from Utah and sometimes I'm even grateful for it. My body is here but my heart remains on an island 3,000 miles away - Puerto Rico. No matter how much beauty it holds, there are so many things that I couldn't fathom dealing with for any longer. Let's just leave it at that...

When I arrived on campus, getting across the street was impossible. I've never had the experience of having crossing signs with beeping noises. So whatever the orange hand or even the white man meant, I had no idea. Mormon vocabulary from "Pre-mi" to "N.C.M.O." has also left me with my jaw dragging on the floor. For this semester, I have lived with roommates that are almost all from Utah. It hasn't been easy. Their perception of what Hispanics are supposed to be like - is far from what I am. The conversations that they find interesting I tend to find absurd. What you might ask? Boy drama, boy drama, and more boy drama. Boy drama for breakfast lunch and dinner. Boy drama till 4 a.m. in the morning... when I'm trying to sleep. At first, I thought it would stop but it hasn't. Closing the door is the best I can do to keep the drama out of my own life. Culture clash, I guess.

I'm blessed with a roommate who might be from Utah but doesn't think that boys are the most important thing to talk about. Don't get me wrong, boys are interesting... maybe too much at times. But they have driven me to the point where all I want to do is NOT talk about them. If that's scary for me to type, imagine how it would make me feel having to say it. The semester is almost over, so I guess I can deal until moving out. Besides this, life is good. :) Heavenly Father is the best for blessing me with amazing roomies, even if there have been culture clashes. Besos.